One of our most popular marriage articles is “ The secret thing men need but only his wife can give”. If you haven’t read it by now, you really should! After the response I got from that, I started thinking about women. I wanted to give men the ultimate guide on how to identify with their wife and give her what she really needs and its probably not what you initially think…
I can admit, we are a little complex and perhaps are just a tiny bit needier than men. (I guess that was a valid point because as I proofread this to my hubby he totally agreed… )
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Happy Wife Happy Life
Have you ever been in a conversation with a man frustrated with his wife? He will give a list of reasons his wife should be content in his eyes.
“It’s not like I hit her”
“I’m not out cheating on her”
“I buy her anything she wants”
“I give her money to go shopping”
“I work all the time to provide a good life for her”
“She always gets what she wants”
“I don’t ask for it EVERY night”
Men, these are not the requirements to be considered a good husband.
Women need to FEEL LOVED! So simple I know. But that’s a great thing for you men.
Remember in part 1 when I revealed that men need to feel respect from his wife? Love and respect are two words very commonly used in the English language so they are used out of context at times. We use these words every day but not always as we should.
Think beyond the surface
Men, you can tell your wife all day long that you love her but you need to do more than that. You need to show her and prove it to her daily.
You can say you love spending time with her but if you’re spending more time at work, with your friends, or whatever activity you find yourself doing that’s not making time with her a priority, then your words mean nothing.
I’m not saying men shouldn’t take time to enjoy life outside of his home. They absolutely do! It only becomes a problem when coworkers and friends see you more than your wife does.
We need to feel like we are #1 in your life. If we feel like we take 2nd place, we start building a wall.
If I am having a bad day at home and the kids are all acting like lunatics, I want to know that if I call my hubby while he is working, he will answer the phone and talk me through it.
This doesn’t always get to happen because of his job but when he is able to step away and talk to me, it makes all the difference in the world. It shows me that at that moment he knows I need him and nothing else matters.
We give what we want to receive…
Everyone feels loved in different ways. The key (and trick) is to give it to them in a way they can identify with.
There is a book called “5 Love Languages”. It’s amazing and you should read it.
It talks about how we all have a love language ie: giving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch.
We give what we want to receive…
That’s all we know how to do. It’s not a selfish thing unless you are aware of what your spouse needs.
Couples normally do not have the same love language.
We speak our love language to our spouse wondering why they are not responsive. It’s because that’s not how they feel loved. That’s how you feel loved.
My husband gives me gifts to show me he loves me. I constantly show my husband by affirming him with words. But because we naturally give what we want in return.
We’re showing each other love the wrong way but with the best intentions and still feeling disconnected.
It wasn’t until we understood that we needed to take the time to figure out what the other person wanted that we were able to intentionally show love the way we should be.
Are good intentions enough?
I’m sure you have been doing so many things in your eyes to show your wife love. You don’t understand how she feels unloved because you try so hard to make sure she feels it.
Your not showing her the way she needs to receive it. Men can feel like they are constantly doing and saying and showing but you still come out as the bad guy and it feels like you’re beating our heads against the brick wall.
That’s because you’re not showing her the right way. Find out what makes her feel loved.
Make it a priority to ask her these questions so you can feel more than just a hamster on a wheel.
After the test is complete, use the chart below as a key to help you better understand her love language. I want to challenge you as the leader of your home to take some time after dinner and come together with your wife to talk over the results.
Go over this chart together! Make sure she knows you are taking the time to get to know her love language.
Write it on your bathroom mirror as a reminder every day.
It’s not enough to know what her love language is, you need to put it into practice.
A little section for my ladies
On the other hand, ladies if you’re reading, cut your man some slack. This is not a one-way street.
I want to challenge you to take this quiz as well. See what makes your hubby feel loved.
I’m sure you can see how much your life will change just by you both feeling loved.
Here is that “R” word again
Where there is love, there is also respect. She will in return show you the respect YOU need.
When these two simple things are present in a marriage, amazing things happen emotionally, mentally and physically.
It’s inevitable that when women are not feeling loved, the man isn’t feeling respected as well.
To read “The secret thing men need but only we can give”
Healthy marriages are so important to me and I know yours is to you as well. Marriage isn’t easy when you’re out of sync with your spouse but it doesn’t always have to be that way.
You should wake up every morning and ask yourself “What can I do to serve my wife/husband today”?
Take it a step further and send him or her a text throughout the day and ask “How can I help make your day better?”
Whatever you do, do not give up.
Now it’s your turn
I hope you enjoyed this post intended for optimal relationships.
Now, I would love to hear from you:
Which supplement from this post are you excited to try?
Let me know by leaving a quick comment below.
If you enjoyed this article, there were a few more to read!