One word instantly comes to mind when I read this title… as much as that is true, there is something else our husbands need more even if they don’t realize it. I have some important marriage advice for women in this article right here! He needs this one thing the most…

They can only get it for their significant other…

They need it from us everyday …

They need to see it and feel it…

This one word is the ultimate game changer …

They feel so loved And confident if we show them this one thing…

I know it still sounds like im talking about “that word” but as much as they(we) need that there is something that will make them want to be better husbands. There is a word so vital for men.

They need to be RESPECTED by their wives! I’m sure you guessed this a few sentences back but I wanted to make a dramatic entrance.

Man with respect shirt
Man with respect shirt

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Now that you know the gist of this post, I hope you will still take a few minutes to read it. Also, keep in mind that this is one of a two part article. This one is for the ladies and part 2 is for the men.

The words on this page are coming from someone who has been married and divorced and remarried again. I have seen this power of this word in action.

Respect is a choice and the only way to chose to show respect is by changing your perspective of not only for your husband but the view of being a wife.

When I got married the second (and last) time, someone told me something that stuck in my mind like super glue.

to have a successful marriage, the husband must feel respected by his wife and the wife needs to feel attractive to her man.

This is soooo true.

These things go hand in hand. Without one, your can not have the other.

I really want women to realize this game changer In their relationship. Personally I have found that when my hubby is feeling respected by me, something happens that benefits us both.

It makes him confident and when he is confident, I find him super attractive. And when he is attractive, well let me just say everything else is amazing…

Let’s talk about Respect  

I know some of you are thinking your husband is undeserving of your respect because of either something that has happened in your past or a situation that is currently happening.

As much as it seems as if our respect for them should be contingent on him doing right, it is not.

I know it is hard that is to do in certain situations.

Some of you are unaware your husbands need your respect and some think they are already doing a good job already.

My hope is that all of you will walk away with something you can implement in your marriage to show your husband he is genuinely respected by you.

If you think about it, this is the only need they can not meet on their own.

Waffles anyone?

Men need to feel respected when they are in the comfort of their home. You see, men have waffle brains. They naturally compartmentalize. They move from box in their brain to another box and only focus on one box at a time.

Heart shaped waffle
Heart shaped waffle

And yes, there is a “nothing” box. So when you ask them what he is thinking and he tells you “nothing”, he is telling the truth.  Personally, that box sounds boring but to each is own.

They also don’t like to spend time in a box where they feel disrespected or unsuccessful. They will find other boxes to focus on. If he feels confused or disrespected in is marriage, he will spend more time in his work box where he feels successful.

Men need to feel like they are succeeding. We can help by showing respect. This is the ultimate motivation they need.

What box is your husband normally in? That will tell you so much about where he feels the most adequate. Is it work? One of his hobbies? TV or video game? Friend box?  What can we do to move him to the husband box?

The idea of the waffle comes from a book called “Men are like waffles Women are like spaghetti”. This is a great book to read alone or with your spouse. It helps explain how men and women think and communicate differently.



I can only share my experiences as a wife so I am going to speak of the top 6 things I do to show my hubby respect. Believe me when I say it takes me intentionally looking at things with a different perspective. 

Try these at home

1.Support-I support my husband in everything he does because I trust him and know he is making the decisions for his family. In fact, I personally feel this is my role in life right now.

I want him to have the opportunity to thrive in his business endeavors. This means I am here to listen and lighten his load at home so when he gets off work, he can just relax and enjoy being with his family.

2. Serve-I love to serve him throughout the day. When he comes home from work and I have a healthy dinner ready and the house is clean, it shows him that I respect him and I acknowledge what all he has been going through at work all day.

I want him to love coming home. Doing little things around the house without nagging or complaining, checking off a few things on his to-do list so he isn’t spending his day off doing chores around the house, ironing his work clothes and looking for opportunities throughout my day to serve him.

This is an example of the perspective shift I mentioned previously. Try looking for the positive in any situation if you want to create positive outcomes.

3. Complements-I have a silly nick name for hubby…it’s Hot Face. I love his face!  I want him to know I respect him by only having eyes for him. I make sure he knows when I think an outfit looks amazing on him. I always acknowledge when he gets his haircut or when he smells delicious. 

4. Appreciation-Telling Hot Face how much I appreciate him is a huge way to show respect. It tells him that I see all of his sacrifices and I know how hard he is working to provide a comfortable lifestyle for us.

I affirm the little things he does when he thinks i’m not looking because those are the most important ones. You can appreciate him by affirming him verbally or physically… and trust me, they like that!

5.  Show forgiveness-Marriage isn’t always easy. In fact, it can get complicated and messy. I know that my husband is going to make mistakes and that’s should be ok (well, maybe not in the moment but looking at the big picture it is).

He might mess up something I once supported him in or overlook a way I served him. Showing him grace and forgiving him is defiantly a huge way to show respect. It tells him that I love him bigger than his mistakes.

But ladies, let’s be honest, were not perfect either and we need a whole lot of grace as well.

6. Trust-Men are faced with so much during his day. There are temptations, fears, doubts, decisions but we need to be trusting wives. We can only do this by truly respecting him. By this I mean our hearts must not be full of bitterness or resentment towards him.

It can be hard. Especially if they did something in the past to hurt our trust. This is the exact moment when you as the wife has to step up and take the high road and do it even if you don’t feel like he deserves it.

There is an article I read not to long ago that adds a few more “Hard Lessons Learned” for married couples. You can read it here.

What’s my point?

The power we have as wives full of respect for our husband is so powerful. I know to some of you, this sounds one sided. But trust me, it works.

It’s the same in a reverse situation. Women need security and to feel attracted by our husbands. If we don’t, we feel out of sorts in our relationship. When we do, we feel on top of the world. It’s the exact same scenario with men and respect.

Once I started respecting my husband verbally and  through my actions but without manipulation, I started noticing amazing things happening in my marriage. And I sleep better at night knowing I have done my part.

He makes it worthwhile for me to do these 6 things for him because it results in him naturally giving me what I need. I feel secure, loved and attractive. The combination of these combined leads to a marriage where two people are madly in love and super attracted to each other.

A marriage where there is peace at home and your kids can see the love you and your husband have for each other. All of this because you respected your husband when he needed you to the most. 

Make a change

Can you see the generational movement could take place? Your son will grow up knowing what respect looks like so he will recognize an amazing wife when he sees one and your daughter will learn what respecting her husband should be.

I’m not being one sided. Men need to see the importance of their roles in this. However, for the sake of this article, I’m making a point. Men will be getting their own post very soon… you’re not getting off that easy.

This could change divorce rates. New statistics show divorce rates are slowly decreasing each year. It went from 50% of marriages ending in divorce to 42% while 60% of second marriages end in divorce.

It’s still high but there is definitely a change being made.

These are just a few things I personally have found shows my husband I respect him. Use them or find what your husband needs.

I am defiantly not a professional. I am simply coming to you as a friend and as someone who wants to see marriages transformed.

Contrary of the title, men do know they need this. However, men can’t ask for this. This is something that we have to freely give without hesitation.


What’s the worst thing that could happen?

The best? A man who acknowledges his wife’s gestures and marriages being transformed into what it was intended to be.

We all want to live our best life possible. Marriage takes work. Be intentional! Try the little things you can do to make a big impact.

I just wanted to share this with you and hope it will help at least one couple improve their marriage.


Comments and Shares Welcome

I hope you enjoyed this post Intended for optimal relationships.

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Let me know by leaving a quick comment below.

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Advice for women
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  1. Kristen Frolich Reply

    Respect is so important in any relationship but especially a romantic one. If respect is not present it completely undermines every other aspect of your life with that person.

    • Optimized Reply

      Yes!! You got that right Kristen. Thanks for reading!!

  2. I agree that women should respect their husbands, but husbands should also respect their wives. I hate the idea that my job as a woman is to serve my husband. I’m not married yet, but my boyfriend and I work as a team – we help each other out. Sometimes one of us does more than the other, but it always balances out.

    • Optimized Reply

      Hi Sydney!! I agree with you . This was one of a 2 part article. The second one is for men. You are so right that both men and women need to mutually respect each other but men receive respect and need it differently than we do. Just Ike we need to feel loved and attractive by our husbands in a different way than they do. Thank you for reading and for your perspective. I love hearing all of these wonderful comments.

  3. You certainly do make a lot of valid points here and offer much to consider. I look forward to also reading the post you will do on men to understand more about how you see it from the other side. I certainly agree that respect is something that is really crucial in any relationship.

    • Optimized Reply

      I did write the 2nd article and I hope you read it! Its for the MEN! It tells them what women need… Thank you for reading and commenting

  4. Clare Minall Reply

    Such a great post to ponder. This is what we really need to remember every single day. It shows how marriage formed us (wife and husband) in our daily living.

  5. Interesting point of view. To me the most important thing in marriage or any relationship is MUTUAL respect. If my husband or SO doesn’t respect me he will not get respect from me. Of course I want to feel attractive to him, but honestly I feel that’s the easy part and something you can get from a lot of men. For him to respect me as a human being, my thoughts, my wishes, my ambitions is so much more important to me and absolutely necessary for me in any long-term relationship. So many men feel inferior if their wife or girlfriend is more successful or more ambitious – and that’s a definite no-go in my world. So yes, he can have respect. As long as I can 😉

    • Optimized Reply

      I actually wrote this as a 2 part article. The second article is for husbands and it talks about showing love to their wives. You should read it! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!! I really appreciate it

    • Optimized Reply

      Thank you for taking the time to read it! I’m glad you enjoyed it!

  6. This was a good read. Respect goes both ways in a relationship, and it is very vital for a healthy relationship.

    • Optimized Reply

      I’m so glad you liked it. Thank you for the comment and for reading this post.

    • Optimized Reply

      Thanks Sarah!! Absolutely. I write a second part to this blog and that one is for men! It talks about what Women need most! Thank you for reading!

  7. Great advice and great read. I agree that something happens when a wife respects their husbands. When he feels respected the wife usual gets that respect back. Thank you for this reminder.

    • Optimized Reply

      You got it! That’s the perfect way to say it! Thank you for reading!!!

  8. It really is important to make them feel respected. I see that with my grown boys and when they’re women don’t, it just makes me cringe. I’m smart enough to stay out of it and hope they mature faster (and pray a lot). 🙂

    • Optimized Reply

      ABSOLUTELY!!! I love this!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

  9. Respect is certainly very important in any relationship. Especially a romantic one. And should definitely be a mutual thing.

    • Optimized Reply

      I totally agree! This was part 1/2. There is another article on my blog about what we on need most! Thank you for reading!!!

  10. Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they’re different from you or you don’t agree with them. Respect in your relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and wellbeing.

  11. Elizabeth O Reply

    What a great post! I do agree with all the points you shared in this post here. In every relationship support and time to time complements plays major role.

    • Optimized Reply

      Hi Elizabeth! Great point!! Thank you for reading this article and sharing some feedback.

  12. Pingback: Newlywed Marriage Advice: 6 Hard Lessons from My First 2 Years • byDeze

    • Optimized Reply

      Hi Deze!! Thank you for adding my link to your article. Your article is amazing and I am so happy to be apart of it. Your work is beautiful.

  13. Great post! I feel like men’s brains are made to desire respect; just as women’s brains are made to desire being loved. It’s important to know how to serve your husband in particular and show him the respect he longs for.

    • Optimized Reply

      YES!! That is so right! I made a part 2 for thus article and it talks about how we need Love like they need respect

  14. I really believe that a relationship is based on only two things, ie trust and respect. Give and take it. And life will be happy

  15. I completely agree about respect from women and attraction from men – but also think both of these need to go both ways. In order to have a successful marriage you need a successful partnership all around. I also think knowing your spouses love language is critical!

  16. I very much appreciated this post today. I was feeling a tad bit frustrated with my SO and I let it brew to resentment. I needed to read this, thank you!

    • Optimized Reply

      Great!! Optimized Life has a few other articles for couples. You should take a look!

  17. I definitely agree with showing forgiveness. Earlier in our marriage we fought a lot and I was immature. I would give him the cold shoulder and him, vice versa. Now we address it there and we are more respectful, our marriage is even stronger

    • Optimized Reply

      Thank God for the opportunity to grow. Im so glad to hear you guys are doing great now

  18. This is all incredibly helpful, my husband and I just celebrated our one year anniversary and these tips are all true. Making sure your significant other is appreciated is key, they want to make sure they are providing for you and won’t know for sure unless you show appreciation.

    • Optimized Reply

      Thank you so much for reading this post from Optimized Life. We are so happy you liked it!

  19. Great article, so important to have mutual respect for each other as well as being attractive to each other, like you said they go hand in hand.

  20. This was such a refreshing and enlightening blog about marriage and relationships. I couldn’t agree more about the magical power of respect for one another. Also I just loved your viewpoint on men having ‘waffle brains’. I never looked at it that way. Thanks for sharing.

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